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Humor
https://www.smwebhead.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=3994		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Rhojo [ Thu Jul 09, 2009 8:18 am ]
Post subject:  Humor
Not boat related but I felt I needed a chuckle...post your funnies, too! :lol:

Tech Support



Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I cannot seem to keep wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this program.

Can you please help me !!!???

Thanks,
A TROUBLED USER

Dear TROUBLED USER,

This is a very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by it's creator to run everything.

It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings- Alimony/Child support". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and deal with the situation.

I suggest installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of C:\YES DEAR because ultimately you may have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high-maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 3.1 and Diamonds 2K. Do not, under any circumstances install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of Luck,
Tech Support
Author:  Rhojo [ Thu Jul 09, 2009 8:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Humor
one more...


Noah in 2008

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans"

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.

My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark. "

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
Author:  Cap'n Morgan [ Thu Jul 09, 2009 8:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Humor
The Knob
A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a new
procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of
the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce
the effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob..'

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob,
and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with
two problems.

'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've
had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now
I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible
bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'

The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags,
those are your breasts.'

She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.'
Author:  230 Mike [ Thu Jul 09, 2009 8:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Humor
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :mrgreen:
Author:  wkearney99 [ Thu Jul 09, 2009 9:13 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Humor
Joe & John are twin brothers who live in the same town. Joe owns a dilapidated old boat which sank the same day that John's wife died. A few weeks later a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John."I'm sorry for your loss", she said. "Thank you",said Joe,"but I'm sort of glad to be rid of her, she was a rotten old thing anyway. Her bottom was all shriveled and she smelled of dead fish. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big one in the front. She was bulging out everywhere in her old age. Every time i used her she leaked and dribbled and her old hole got bigger. I think what finally finished her off was when I rented her out to 4 lads looking for a good time. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!
Author:  M3eater [ Thu Jul 09, 2009 9:44 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Humor
:shock:
Author:  Blessed [ Thu Jul 09, 2009 10:17 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Humor
Ohh Bill. Thats a bad one. :lol:

I love those Motivational Posters. Only, some of the ones I like best I would never admit to. However, here are a couple of the tamer ones I get a laugh from.

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:D
Author:  230 Mike [ Thu Jul 09, 2009 10:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Humor
I'm saving some of those!
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