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Brett:

I just joined this forum a few weeks ago and have yet to even put my boat in the water, but I had already received some sound advice from you, which I appreciated. I am sorry for your loss and am still very close to my father. Everyone has to grieve in a manner that is appropriate and comfortable to themselves. At some point (maybe not now) you will be able to enjoy some of the things that you did together -- maybe not in the same way, but as a way to keep alive the great memories that you shared. He will always be with you. When you are ready to come back this great forum will be ready with open arms. Having been here for a short time it is obvious by reading all of the posts that you have been a good friend to many here. Take care and peace.

--- Steve

Brett,

I am really very sorry for your loss. Your postings on this forum are a help for everybody and it will be very sad if they would stop. I know it all is terrible right now, but I can only advise you not to let go of the Vista. It is something that you shared and did with your dad and you will want to remember that in the future.

My thoughts are with you,

Richard

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Richard - FL - 2005 Vista 248

Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord and let perpetual light shine upon him.

May his soul and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.

Amen.

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John
2001 Four Winns Horizon 230
VP 5.7 GSi / DP
2007 Ford Expedition EL

John,

Thanks!

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Brett DiMichele

Just found this thread. So sorry to hear of your loss. I understand the dad/best friend thing. He has been my playmate for years.

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2001 Horizon 260 - 7.4 Volvo GSI DP

There is more to the story that I did not originally post. And it's leaving me on this planet with nothing but "what if's".

My dad was diagnosed with type II diabetes a few years ago and he watched what he ate, not saying he didn't cheat but he did check his sugar and take his pill. He would always get worried if he had any kind of ingrown hair or abscess because of the risk of infection. Well, 4 months ago he said he got one on his groin and because he did not have health coverage he went to Med Express to have it lanced (a simple procedure, right?). He came home with massive swelling to the left side of his groin and he told me the "Doctor" (and I use the term loosely) injected him with something. Well, a day later we went to the Emergency Room and he was checked out, had an ultra sound performed and the ER Doc consulted with an on site Urologist and they determined it was a hemotoma caused by trauma to the area.

Well, dad was off from work for the past four months over this mess, he was in contact with two Attorneys who wouldn't do anything as they said "it may go away" and he followed up with his PCP and a Urologist and they told him it had turned into a hard mass (blood tumor) and may be reabsorbed by the body but may take a year or more. They told him to soak in hot water and that may help it go away.

I just keep going through my head, what if this thing shot off a clot and that was what did it... I just don't know! The F'ing County Coroner wouldn't do squat because it was not a suspicious death, and to have Cyril Wehct's office do the Autopsy it would cost $4K (money I don't have!) my Dad had no Life Insurance, No will, nadda...

I am so full of anger and I just don't know if I will ever have any closure..... I feel in my heart that this hack at Med Express did him in, but I have NO WAY to prove it.... My Father deserved better than this and it's tearing me apart... I am trying to keep it together for his sake, to indeed make him proud, but the truth is that I am a mess inside...

Lately my dad was distraught and he said to me "I don't know Brett, I think that son of a bitch might have done me in" and now with this..... It's just breaking my heart looking back on it.... And damnit if there was something else going on with my Dad why the hell didn't he tell me.....

God help me through this...

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Brett DiMichele

Brett, you're not alone in dealing with the frustration of possible medical complications. My father's passing was likewise traumatic.

He caught a bad chest cold. The trouble is he had very tricky allergic reactions to a lot of medications. His regular doc was out and the man that saw him prescribed something that I think caused a bad reaction. His airway basically closed up about a half-hour after taking it. So I asked the hospital to perform an autopsy, to which they agreed. Fast forward four days later when the funeral home called me about not being able to pick him up. The hospital had apparently "lost" his paperwork and he ended up being treated as an unclaimed body and handed over to the city morgue. The attending physician had screwed up the paperwork in her apparent rush to leave town for two weeks on vacation. I had to call the director of the city morgue, at home during his dinner, to get a straight answer about whether or not my Dad was actually there or not. He was rightly horrified at the bungled handling on the part of the hospital. To make matters that much worse, this delay and mishandling made it pretty much impossible to get accurate results from an autopsy. I was, suffice to say, unbelievably livid. I went the hospital management and marched straight into the president's office (yes, just like on TV, barging straight in.) I gave him the run-down on the fiasco and made it clear, they need never, ever send me even one letter, bill or notice of ANY kind. They'd utterly eff'ed up the entire situation and I wanted absolutely no part of trying to untangle hospital billing nonsense after the fact. But he was dead now and no amount of wrangling over blame was going to change it. The guy was smart enough to know that was the time to shut up and take it. I then read the riot act to the same doctor that handled the initial meds. No amount of money or lawsuits was going to bring him back. The doctor was likewise cognizant that this was not a time to weasel out of it, and rightly offered his condolences for my suffering. The attending got her earful on returning from vacation. But apparently the hospital had called her while on vacation to let her know what a clusterf'ck she'd caused. She was rightly apologetic, right from recognizing my name when we met. The trick in dealing with these idiots was to be angry without being abusive. A very hard line not to cross.

The end result was he was still dead and the parties involved in it saw first hand just how pissed off their incompetence had riled a bereaved family. My Dad was himself a lawyer and would've recognized the futility in trying to effectively sue the parties involved in this fiasco. My only satisfaction was in never seeing a single thing from the hospital or the morgue. And if you've ever dealt with medical billing bureaucracy you know that in itself is a miracle.

So don't waste too much of your sanity on trying to find blame. It won't change the fact he's gone. The best thing for you is to look back on the life he lead and how it added to your life. For good and for otherwise. It's those memories that you need to cherish, not the brief instants of problems at the end. Celebrate the good times and find ways for others to have those kinds of memories about YOU. That's the best way to honor the man, be those good things, and more, to the people around you.

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-Bill Kearney, 2005 348 Vista

This is the best advice I have ever read on this board! Well said Bill.

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Walter

2003 248 Vista - VP 5.0 GXi
2009 Toyota Tundra SR5 5.7L 4x4

Yeah, well, ya live long enough, a few things start to sink in... I'm sure I wouldn't have been as sage in decades past.

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-Bill Kearney, 2005 348 Vista

Bill,

You are completely right, it's hard to tell my heart that, but I can not go through life and keep rehashing this.

I have been working feverishly to get my finances in order, what does not kill me, will make me stronger.

It's going to be a long road, but I will be ok.

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Brett DiMichele

That's the spirit!

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-Bill Kearney, 2005 348 Vista

Sorry for your loss..

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2000 Four Winns 248 Vista (Nice toys, no Air)
2001 Highly Modified Yamaha GP1200R (75+MPH)